Deep breaths, mama. You got this!
We made it past 20-weeks, all! After some miscommunications at the midwifery office, we finally got our 20-week ultrasound done on Friday (when I originally intended to post this post). We were a whopping 21 weeks, 2 days at that time.
It was incredibly surreal and sort of a newsflash to see Baby O. on the ultrasound monitor. Last time we saw him/her Baby O. was two little body parts, not nearly fully developed. Now, Baby O. has all the required body parts and from what we can see, is growing and maturing appropriately. Baby was head down for the ultrasound and I have been feeling a lot of movement from him/her the past week or so. I can actually see a little hand or foot punch my uterus now and then. It is pretty awesome.
Honestly, at one point I got a little nauseous thinking about just how real this baby is! In just 4 more months Baby O. will be living in this world with us. I am equally as excited as I am sometimes scared. Will I be a good mom? Can we do this? As Lance reminded me last night, we are doing it either way, so I better keep working on that I have no control thing. I remind myself everyday that I am not perfect, nothing I do will be perfect and I can always make a change. I will try my best every day as a new mom, but I will grant myself the grace of knowing that I have never done this before and there is no perfect way to be a parent. The journey will definitely be an adventure!
We did not find out baby’s gender, so I couldn’t share even if I wanted to 🙂 We want it to be a surprise for all of us. Plus, I’m really not a fan of super-girly frills, lace and pink and I am hoping to avoid all of those things by not knowing Baby O.’s gender.
This week has been full of feeling overwhelmed by baby registry and nursery ideas, clothing that doesn’t fit and a body I can’t control. There are too many baby products, too many suggestions and too many reviews! I can work on baby things about an hour a day before I have met my max tolerance and need to move on to something else. The inundation of information is too much for me. Also, consumerism is a real issue in our world—but that’s a whole other topic.
I have transitioned out of regular clothes into maternity clothes and that has been hard. It is not that I don’t want to wear maternity clothes, but rather just like with any of my regular woman clothes, it is really difficult to find pants that fit me. Ugh. Feeling bloated and big, and not having clothes that fit is not a good match for pregnancy hormones.
I have also felt overwhelmed by my sudden decreased ability to do the things I always have. I have had good days and bad days at the gym with varying energy levels, but this week the reality of the extra 15 pounds has really set in. My heart rate gets super high quickly and I have to rest longer in-between strenuous exercises. Although I get frustrated in the moment, I know that I need to listen to my body. I remind myself and my husband reminds me too. It is all okay. I am making a human. I need to listen to what my body is telling me. Deep breaths, mama.
I am so excited to be on this journey. There is so much love surrounding a new babe and the experience has been one that challenges me in ways I never thought possible. I wasn’t always sure that I wanted to be a mom who goes through pregnancy. I thought I would adopt all my kids. But, I also think this is an experience and journey that has too many positives to not be experienced if at all possible.