“Love is never found in the hustle” -Shauna Niequest
I have a lot on my mind lately.
Who am I kidding,
I have a lot on my mind ALL the time.
My brain is constantly moving with ideas.
Ideas about writing
Ideas to motivate and inspire.
Ideas to have a positive impact on the lives of others.
Most days it is hard to turn off my brain.
I get easily distracted.
I rabbit-hole very quickly on the internet.
I function more productively with a set intention and schedule to my day.
If I don’t.
Time runs off.
I have had a lot of thought surrounding the relationships I keep; the friendships I have developed. The give and take. The negativity and the positivity that others emit. As part of the book I am reading, Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist, I am learning more about self-care and setting boundaries; to be present and supportive to the individuals in our inner circles. To be present and helpful to individuals in our outer circles as we can, but not to say yes all the time. Ultimately, I want to be someone that the most important people in my life can count on, but not be that person for every other individual that I meet. It is too much of a commitment and the more time and energy I pour out to others, the less time and energy I have to replenish my own cup. There has to be a balance. I am not saying to consider yourself first before ever helping others. I am saying that sometimes its okay to say no to dinner dates, volunteer committees and projects if they will contribute to an increased level of stress and chaos that you don’t want. Understanding ourselves by asking ourselves what really makes us happy and what parts of our lives are most important can given some clarity into how we want to spend our time.
Is one of my friendships important to me? Does it offer mutual support, respect and positivity? Is it important to me to foster that friendship? Why is this person important to me? Is it out of obligation or because we make each other happy and truly enjoy spending time together? If the latter is true, then yes, definitely make time for that person. Just today I met a friend for coffee while we walked around the mall as she ran a few errands. It took 45-minutes out of my day. It wasn’t a huge commitment, but a small portion of time that said- “we are both pretty busy, but I definitely want to see you because I miss you and like having you around”. Perfect.
At the same time, I have evaluated friendships that I have felt obligated to foster in the past, but did not seem beneficial to me. They felt more like work. The time spent together wasn’t easy and when the time came to follow through with our plans, I found myself unmotivated to do so. Yes, there is a learning and commitment curve when establishing new friendships. It takes time to establish concrete connections. But again, ask yourself why? Time and again I found myself thinking, we should be friends. We’ve known each other a long time. I have to give this a solid chance to get established. And at the same time I wasn’t feeling right about it inside. I think this happens to people who maybe knew each other as children, or in other seasons of their lives.
As we all know, people grow and change and we aren’t the same people we were even two years ago. The thing is, it’s okay to let go. It’s okay to decide that this friendship may not be forever. IT’S OKAY. It doesn’t mean that I am a bad person, or that he/she is a bad person. It just means we have grown apart, or have different priorities, or are at different seasons in our lives. This is life. And it is normal to feel this way.
Look at your relationships and your busy-ness as a working professional, mother, student, etc. Are all of your relationships serving you? Are they making you happy? Are there some that don’t feel so good that may give you more time for the relationships you want to foster, or even for more self-care and/or family time?
Many of us declutter the material items out of our homes in an attempt to achieve minimalism. Why do we continue to stretch ourselves thin with the clutter in our personal lives? Is it inspiring, or is it just noise?