Apparently is has been 2 months since I have written. So many things have changed in my life. I relocated, started a new job, got an apartment that I think I actually may fulfill the lease in for once, was blessed by crossing paths with my now boyfriend and was forced back into snowy/rainy weather. Yuck.
It is simply crazy how fast our lives move forward and how easily change can happen. I have been so wrapped up in my to-do list that I haven’t even had time to write.
But is that really true? Is it that I didn’t have time or that I didn’t make time?
And with each passing day that…OMG my blog post hasn’t been written for this week!!!…phrase rattles through my brain, there is more pressure. Of course, I am the one putting pressure on myself by creating fictional deadlines. Writing is not my job. It is not my source of income. It is not school and my papers are not due. There should be no pressure.
Writing has become a place that I can go to when my life is completely crazy. When the outside world has my brain in shambles. When my thoughts simply won’t slow down.
And I haven’t been using it.
I can make up all the excuses in the world. Justify my reasons for not writing. However, that is unnecessary and unproductive. And everyone knows, I am all about productivity!
It is during the rough times. The times when I don’t think anyone else will understand. The times I feel sad and alone. The times when work stresses me out so much and takes a toll on so many of my emotions. The times when something really great happens. The days when I learn. The days when I fail. These are the moments when I should be writing. This blog is an outlet. It helps organize my fleeting thoughts into semi-fluid ones. And I have been running from it.
“I don’t have time”
“I will write tomorrow”
“I’m too tired”
No. No excuses. This whole post will take me no more than 30 minutes. Thats 2% of my entire day. 2%!!!
Wouldn’t it seem feasible to take 2% of the day to collect my thoughts, vent a little and be a much happier person? Most likely.
That being said…
Moving is HARD. Don’t get me wrong, I love it. I love being in a new environment, meeting new people and generally, exploring. It’s the tedious things that make life seem more difficult than it really is. The physical moving, financial loss, apartment hunting, apartment furnishing, etc. I am still doing those things. I am very happy with my situation. But I constantly have to remind myself that its okay for my apartment to be a little disordered. Furnishing it to my unique taste takes time.
I want furniture like the bookshelf I found for $10 made by someone in 1938…yes..he signed the back. And I found it at a garage sale. I don’t want the pre-matched furniture that I could buy at IKEA for $1000. I’m a little to eccentric for that. And I refuse to buy anything new. Partly because I vowed not to, and partly because I simply can’t afford it right now. So, I spend a lot of time on OfferUp….probably the 2% of my day that could be used for writing…..
For the first couple weeks I didn’t feel like myself. My apartment was truly in shambles. It wasn’t comforting or cozy. It wasn’t a place that I wanted to call home yet. I wasn’t exercising because I needed to find a new gym. I wasn’t reading. I wasn’t writing. I was doing very little of the things that make me happy. Therefore, I wasn’t happy. I was hard to talk to. My fuse was short. I kind of crawled into my little box…or as my sister would say…I became an ostrich and stuck my head in the sand hoping that when I took it out again, my life would be back to normal.
So…I started making time. I bought a gym membership. I made time for cooking. I designated a few to-dos for each free day but also made sure I was doing a few of my usual activities. Everything isn’t settled yet, but its getting there. A little more each day. And every day that I add something “normal” back in to my life…I feel a bit more like myself.
In an ideal world, I’d write every day…just to get my thoughts down on paper. I anticipate that this blog may shift a bit…a bit back to being for me and not necessarily for educational reasons. I still want to use it to compile my interests and research. We will see where it takes me. Life has a funny way of taking you down different paths without your realizing it at all. Sometimes its good to remind ourselves to sit back and enjoy the ride.