I follow a page on facebook called Elephant Journal. It doesn’t always post articles that seem relevant, but I read a couple the last few days that hit home with me. They were about learning to love yourself; And doing this before being happy loving another person.
If you haven’t read, they are must reads.
“After I’ve lost 20 Pounds, I’ll be Happy with who I am.” by Rachel Brathen. http://www.elephantjournal.com/2013/06/after-ive-lost-20-pounds-ill-be-happy-with-who-i-am/
“A Yogi’s Guide to Finding the Man or Woman of Your Dreams.” by Claudia Azula Altucher. http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/01/a-yogis-guide-to-finding-the-man-or-woman-of-your-dreams/
They point out what is probably obvious to many, but reading it on paper makes so much more sense.
We’ve all heard it: In order to be happy and satisfied with another person, we must first be satisfied with ourselves. We must be happy existing as a sole person.
I am not there yet.
But I am working on it.
For me, this means doing things because I WANT to; not because I SHOULD. This means eating healthy, going to yoga, spending time with my family, reading, blogging, etc. Not because I HAVE to do those things to stay fit, be happy and healthy, or improve my image. That is the hardest part. Of course I want all of this to be part of my daily life. The issue lies with my intention.
WHY am I doing them? Do they truly make me happy?
Or I am doing them because I don’t accept myself and I think these things will help me be happy?
Are they a means to a never-occurring end?
Or an end in an of themselves?
Brathen writes that once we accept ourselves, our bodies, our accomplishments, happiness in daily activities will come. We will WANT to be healthy eaters. We will crave the protein over the refined sugar.
This is not an easy task; but it starts with a single step. Wherever you are; whatever your daily life may entail- remember to BREATHE. Get out of your own head, even if it is only for 5 minutes each day. Release the negativity and let what is positive flow through your veins.
Turn the “I’m not good enough” into “I accomplished this today”.
Turn the “I can’t” into “I can”.
Make it positive. Negativity attracts more negativity. Learning to find a positive outlook can change everything. Once we start being good to ourselves, the rest will follow.
We will find ourselves and our own happiness. In the meantime, we can also do a lot of self-reflection. I know this is something I want to pursue more of in my life. I want to be more aware of what I would like out of life. And with that, WHO I want to share it with.
Altucher writes that it is important to document the specifics of WHO we are looking for in a life partner. No one will be perfect. But if they do not match up with the life we would like for ourselves, they may not be a great fit. Going in to a first date knowing these things will make it a lot easier to stay true to ourselves and give ourselves what we deserve instead of settling for the first person that gives into our immediate desire: attention.
I want a man who is accomplished in his career and continues to have goals for his future; someone who cares about his body; who is aware of what they are putting into it and chooses to eat healthily. A man who exercises, not to be big and buff, but for the sake of feeling good. A man who enjoys wine and a nice dinner, simply to enjoy the time we have. One who makes me laugh. One who will travel the world, or will allow me to during my lifetime. One who shows compassion and a need to help those who are less fortunate. A man non-judgmental, with a big heart. A man who wants a family and values time spent with them. A man who believes in wellness and prevention over traditional Western medicine. Someone who respects my choices and supports me in the areas I feel most inadequate about.
I realize this is very specific. But I think it needs to be. I have spent too much time in relationships where I am compromising the end result. Instead of being true to myself, I spare others’ feelings. Not being with someone is not the end of the world; for you, or for them. It simply means that you and/or them do not have the qualities desired in a mate. It doesn’t make you wrong, or a bad person. It only means that you do not fit together. And that is okay.
So make a list. Write it down. What do YOU want? What makes you happy? And focus on those things. It is okay to be alone. If you don’t know how to answer these questions, maybe it is better to be alone until you have some answers. I